Attention Washington Mutual ASS HATS

You are fired.
You employ vacuums with voices.
You consistently spew misinformation.
You treat your customers like shit.
You are fired.

This latest issue, I realize, is not entirely your fault. Visa was hacked. Debit cards were compromised. You canceled them, presumably, to protect your customers (I suspect it was to protect yourselves from having to suck up a lot of fraudulent charges, but I'll let you have this one). The way you have handled the situation, however, is atrocious.

You say you ordered my new card on July 7th, yet my existing card was not de-activated until the 19th, which I discovered when I tried to pay for the lunch I had already eaten. Perhaps a NOTE or a PHONE CALL warning me would have been appropriate??

When I called up, asking WTF??, you explained the situation and told me the card would be in my mailbox when I got home and that my current card would be reactivated by 6pm CST.

When I found that NOT to be the case and called again, you told me that if I hadn't received it then, I would get it by Friday.

Well...it's Friday, and guess what.
DING! DING! DING!
No card.

So excuse the FUCK out of me for being frustrated and angry when I call, yet again, to discuss your latest bit of misinformation and hear your imbecilic excuses.

We ordered your new card on the 7th. They take up to two days to print, then we mail them.

Math Lesson:
Ordered on the 7th + two days = printed on the 9th, which was a Saturday.
Into the mail on Monday the 11th....let's call it the 13th, just to be realistic.
It has been NINE days. Nine...at a minimum.

Well, we can't control how fast the US Postal Service moves.

For the sake of argument, let's agree that, no, you cannot control how fast the US Postal Service moves. What you can control is which mailing method you use. While slow-boat, 2¢-a-pop Bulk Mail is fine for mailing monthly statements, I bet every single one of your MONUMENTALLY inconvenienced customers would agree that, in this particular situation, when you have cut off our primary access to our hard-earned cash, Two-Day mail or Priority Overnight service is warranted.

And to the rude, snot-nosed little sperm who took my call: Your title is Customer Service Associate. Defensiveness, interrupting and shouting at me are, I believe, NOT in your job description. Consideration, sincerity, helpfulness.....even an apology are what I expect. I am your customer. I'm upset, and I have every right to be.

Well what do you want ME to do?!

I want you to go fuck a cheese grater, you turd.

No love,

She who would mail that cheese grater to you OVERNIGHT if she had a goddamned debit card to pay the postage with